I had a good day, hung around on the puter chatting, did some housework. It was raining so I felt "off the hook". I spoke to my friend in Melbourne tonight. He has trouble getting into the site and is known as grumbybum here... coz he was so grumpy trying to get signed in, but I digress.
So, had wake ups and probs getting back to sleep last night on the Seroquel reduction. Will up my Lithium dose to 375mg tonight and see how I go. The Seroquel got me to sleep okay but didn't keep me asleep. The guy I was seeing turns out to be borderline and can't do anything between "full on" or "full off" so I've lost myself a friend there. It's a shame really. I'm doing a lot of thinking about my past two relationships. Now I can see how clunky someone else can be in a relationship with Borderline, I can see more clearly how I would have "felt" to my previous partners. Not to the same degree, I'm sure... coz I'm not the clingy type like this guy was... I'm staunchly independent, but would surely been difficult to deal with nevertheless... and it's not like I'm totally healed yet anyway, but some progress has been made. Feel a bit sad about the end of my friendship but not heart broken, just sad. Not a major sadness but still a disappointment.

Haven't blogged for a while...
Started voluntary work on Monday for the first time in 4 years. If I manage the vol work for the next few months, I might had a 2 day a week paid position in the new year.
The "bloke" started getting a bit intense, so I had a chat with him, and now he's backed off totally... I told him I didn't want that but I suppose if he is an all or nothing type of bloke, nothing is how it has to be. I just wanted him to dial it back a bit.
Boy is going well. He has decided to stay in the same school and pull up his socks a bit.
Enjoying the depression group I do once a week. Have booked in for the assertiveness course starting next month.
See my pdoc tomorrow. Hope to lower my seroquel and heighten my lithium.
Friday is a lazy day. My son has his psyche assessment on Monday.

Bloke who turned up to rent room for a week didn't have current driver's licence or fixed address.

I sent him away for an hour while I did up the contract and rang my male friend, who came over.

My teenage son, (who this guy didn't know was in his bedroom while he was here earlier), also got out of bed in the interim, so when this guy got back, there were two men in the house - and this guy bailed!!!

I joked with my male friend "I'm 40, I know how to handle myself - yeah right". Wow, for a guy to bail like that shows he was really dodgy and I was in danger! I'm so relieved!!!! Bulllet Dodged! Arrhh

My pdoc thinks I am wrong to ask my male friend to take me to hospital. My occupational therapist thinks I wasn't.

I enjoyed a three day shagathon with the same male friend, who I don't know that well. Views on that would be even more diverse.

Because I haven't had a flatmate for 3 months, I have accepted a guy to stay for a week. The male friend has tried to get all involved in the process... and I'm like "back off". He's like "yeah, I care and I'm protective. My bad".

I get all BPD when he doesn't give me attention and then I need to tell him to back off when he does, coz it is more than what is appropriate. It would be too much even if we were in a relationship. The jury is out whether his heart is in the right place, and even if it is, my boundaries are my boundaries and he needs to respect them.

He hasn't had a relationship for a long while and I've only just got out of one. I'm not going to expose any of his vulnerabilities but I'm not going to absorb his issues either.

It's so interesting getting the balance between undercooking and overcooking right.

Well, I'm not isolating myself, and yes I am struggling with how to screen people and negotiate new relationships. I feel like such a babe in the woods. I feel that I am naive... and I'm working on it the best I can.

As my pdoc puts it "It's about learning how to not feeling comfy with psychopaths"

Change takes time, and there will be mistakes along the way, but I will do my utmost best!!!

I've been telling anyone who would listen that I didn't want to go to Aqua Aerobics today. It was at 9am and I've just woken up from my big fatigue sleep. It's nearly 3pm. I pushed my body to get through the class gently, but I think it is worth it to start reminding my body what real exercise is like again! It should start to get used to it, with any luck. I still feel like a piece of poo. I have the 4km walk in the morning; that will be a good start to the day . And then I have my depression group and then my landlord comes over to do some work. I'll speak to my pdoc on Thursday as to whether she thinks I have Asperger's coz I'm so clunky socially. She'll have my Lith results and my ECG and Ultrasound were all okay. On Friday I have my employment consultants appts - - after you guessed it - Aqua Did I mention I didn't want to go?
It sucks being sick but the upshot is I'm so lucky to have so much control over my time. Give me health any day though!